I’ve been thinking a lot about dating and relationships recently, giving my friends advice as always which got me thinking…
We all give each other advice on dating, relationships and love (us girls are the best for that) but when do we actually apply that advice to ourselves?
I am a massive culprit of this, I dish out advice to all my closest friends but when it comes to myself, I’m terrible!
I will worry about something and go round and round with it in my head without offloading to anyone, it will then become so much more drastic in my head which then makes the worrying much worse and it all just spirals out of control – sound familiar?
I have been with my boyfriend 3 years this September and we have been living together for 1 year now also. I love him to pieces and we have a great time together generally. However, relationships are never plain sailing and there will always be ups and downs – something I have learnt this past year.
When my boyfriend and I moved in together last July it was so exciting and for the first 6 months we were buzzing as it was such a novelty to be able to see each other every day, wake up and be there, come back in the evening and be there, it was just lovely.
However, I then felt in the New Year that we had settled down and become very comfortable in a routine. I suddenly started feeling that something wasn’t quite right in my head and I was worrying why I suddenly wasn’t on cloud nine. The more I thought about it the worse it got in my own head to the point I started panicking what if we’re falling out of love with each other ahhhh!!!!
I didn’t want to talk to my boyfriend about it, how could I when it’s about him. I didn’t want him to think I didn’t love him anymore or that he’s not making me happy because he was, it was just something was bothering me. This feeling or worry would come and go, it wasn’t constant, but I could never quite put my finger on what it was that was bothering me until I went on holiday to Australia in May.
I was away from my boyfriend for a total of 3 weeks and in that time I really thought about our relationship from the opposite side of the world. I missed him so much and after the 1st week it was really difficult to be away from him but being away from each other and using the time to reflect just a little bit made me see everything for what it was. I realised that I was worrying about the fact that we had settled down, we got comfortable in our home and our routine and that there wasn’t that excitement anymore. It was almost like I was scared of the commitment (even though I’d already made the commitment of moving in which I was fine with). I was freaking out because I felt like we’d ticked off the moving in so next thing on the agenda is marriage, babies and then we’re growing old together. I turned 24 in June and suddenly felt I was committing to all these things all at once (when obviously I’m not actually committing to any of them) which then made me worry even more as I panicked but what if we didn’t work out in the future! Being away from home I finally figured all this out and realised that all I needed to do was talk to my boyfriend about how I felt and STOP WORRYING (stupid I know).
I know I brought this all on myself and a contributing factor is definitely the part of my personality in always wanting to achieve all my goals in life right now. I am too ambitious for my own good sometimes. I’ve always been a planner and very much in control of my life; knowing early on what I wanted to do as a career and making it happen, where I wanted to live etc. But with relationships and love, you can’t be in control, it’s all about jumping in and taking a risk. Love is a feeling not a strategy.
So I ended up confiding in my boyfriend what was worrying me at times and suddenly all those worries got so much smaller and irrelevant. We weren’t falling out of love with each other, we just got comfortable so the excitement (or honeymoon phase as they say) shifted and calmed down a touch which isn’t a negative, it’s just natural.
So remember (note to self), that love is a feeling not a strategy. There are always going to be ups and downs and the important bit is that you’re a team throughout it all and in it together. Also, ignore all the couples you see on instagram who look 100% ecstatic all the time as I would bet they are going through the same ups and downs as you are.
Sending lots of love xxx
Ps, I dedicate this post to my No.1 who I love very much, thank you for always being on my side and putting up with me!