So this week I’ve been thinking a lot about friendships and how friendships change throughout life. Friendships seemed to be so much simpler at school as you saw basically all your friends every day. Sometimes you can’t ever imagine that you’ll not be best friends and close as sisters with someone but yet a few years later you’re just not as close. Nothing happened for you to drift apart from one another but your lives have just taken a turn on different paths (this is super metaphorical apologies!). I’m not trying to sound like a therapist It’s just something I’ve been thinking about.
Last week, I went to two of my closest friends’ baby shower (don’t want to brag but the cakes I made were pretty good – see below). They decorated the house with balloons, made delicious food for everyone, they looked beautiful as well and it really was such a good day celebrating, they are both due in about a month which is super exciting!
I’ve been around babies and pregnancies a lot growing up as I’m the oldest of 3 in my family with my little brother being born when I was 16. Then I am also the oldest out of all the grandchildren as well. Talking about babies, pregnancies and giving birth has never bothered me. I’ve always dreamt of the day I have children and have always been so excited. As a kid I was the one playing with BabyBorn and pretending I’m the mother rather than playing with Barbies etc.
However, as I’m getting to the age when my friends get married and have babies, every time I go on Facebook there seems to be more newborns and engagement announcements than stupid funny videos and I have to admit, I miss the stupid funny videos and ridiculous memes! I really don’t want to be the kind of bitter mess (think Bridesmaids) of a person who hates talking about babies and just gets drunk at every baby shower and wedding but I feel like I’m heading that way?
I just felt so stupid and useless at the baby shower last week, as everyone was talking about giving birth and sleepless nights and I have absolutely nothing to contribute. Apart from occasionally chipping in ‘oh my mum went through that as well!’, which just made me look like a child and a loser who keeps talking about her mum, great. So I ended up drinking quite a few mojito’s as I wasn’t talking as much and was basically pissed when I left the party at around 4pm (oh god, I really am Annie from Bridesmaids aren’t I!).
Anyway, when I got on the train home I suddenly felt upset but I couldn’t figure out why. I don’t think the mojitos helped, but it was like I was suddenly uncomfortable being around babies and pregnancies and that made me sad! There was a lot of different emotions going on, I was partly jealous I think because my friends have life all sorted; the house, the marriage, the baby. Yet I still feel like a child, living in a flat share and the thought of all those grown up things just seem so out of my reach and way to expensive for what I can afford. I do have to add here that my friends are about 6 years older than me so obviously they’re going to have this grown up stuff sorted before me. There is this pressure as a woman, I feel, to do the marriage and baby thing, even in this day and age. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 4 years almost and he’s 4 years older than me and people do ask ‘where’s the ring?’ and ‘ooo do you want children?’. I know they are only joking but I think subconsciously those comments stay with me and play on my mind a little bit.
I think I was also a little bit shocked as it suddenly dawned on me that I don’t have as much in common with two of my closest friends as I used to. Our lives suddenly seem so far apart and I hadn’t realised until then.
Which is what got me thinking about friendships a lot this week. As we grow and achieve great things, life takes us on different paths and it is natural for friendships to come closer together and grow further apart every now and then. Just because one of our friendships isn’t as close as it was doesn’t mean it won’t be again! Just like love and the ups and downs that has (love is a rollercoaster after all!) it also applies to friendships I think.
We need to remember that life isn’t a race, it’s not a ticking box and neither does it all happen in the same order for everybody. We don’t have to have achieved something at a certain age and we should never be pressured to do anything as huge as having a child or getting married if we don’t feel ready, even if it feels everyone we went to school with is doing just that.
Also, if you’re feeling down about a friendship that has perhaps drifted apart a little, remember that it probably won’t be long term, it’s a temporary stage where your lives are on different paths but will soon be back on the same track or a similar wave length (oh god, enough with the metaphors already!).
I am completely happy for my beautiful best friends and I am so excited to meet their littles ones this year. I’ll be there to babysit in years to come and one day when they are perhaps having their 2nd child will I be having my 1st child and can finally join in with the pregnancy chats, plus they can give me lots of advice!
(FYI I’m so over my minor freak out last week on the Victoria line).
Lots of love to everyone, whether you’re single, married, pregnant, completely exhausted with 1-3 beautiful children, a lone wolf forever or whatever – it’s completely up to you xxxxxx